TRAINING BEATS FEAR OF FIGHTING

I found blog partner Kathy Fawcett’s latest post about the choice of whether to fight back in real life and the use of violence in our fiction presented some fascinating questions. I thought about commenting, but, as often happens, I had so much to say I thought I’d just keep the conversation going with another post.

Like Kathy, I’ve studied martial arts and self-defense for many years, reaching an advanced black belt rank in two disciplines. I started my study of Isshinryu karate (a traditional Okinawan style) over 25 years ago because I wanted to know how to make the fight scenes in my novels more realistic. Once I got into class, I discovered I really liked learning the history, the techniques, and the choreographed moves of martial arts. And, it turned out, the application of the moves to self-defense was my favorite aspect of what I was learning (and, later, teaching).

I noticed right away that women and girls in martial arts start at a disadvantage in one area. Even in this day and age, we are taught from the time we are small that using physical force to stand up for ourselves is “bad.” We’re not supposed to hit, or wrestle, or push, or yell. It’s not “nice” or “ladylike” to compete in any way physically, especially with boys. Sometimes this message is overt, especially in more traditional homes, but more often it’s subtle, enforced by the children themselves. Ladies, if, as a child, you ever stood on the sidelines of a game of baseball or basketball played by a group of boys, waiting in vain to be asked to join, you know what I mean.

Despite the advances of Title IX in women’s athletics and all the work of feminism, we still see the impact of this in the karate dojo (practice hall). From the youngest to the oldest beginners, females are still reluctant to engage physically with an opponent. Like the woman in Kathy’s example, who feared she would not be able to harm “another woman’s son” who was attacking her, these karate students hold back when punching or kicking, even when the target is just a pad or a bag. They hesitate to grab hold of their partners’ wrists in practicing self-defense for fear of “hurting” them. They say “sorry!” when they land a solid blow in sparring, when they should be grinning in triumph.

Our first task with these women and girls is to train the conditioning out of them that prevents them from defending themselves. We have to remove that false image of themselves as “nice, ladylike,” fragile little things and replace it with a better sense of themselves as strong, fierce, capable fighters. Strong, capable fighters will defend themselves if necessary. And never give up. 

Now this karate student is NOT lacking self-confidence!

It’s vital for us to believe in ourselves and develop that inner confidence. You’ve heard the saying, it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog? Nowhere is that truer than in martial arts and self-defense. Bruce Lee, who was a legitimate martial arts legend in addition to his talent for self-promotion on the big screen, stood at a mere 5’2” and had one leg shorter than the other. His size didn’t stop him from defeating opponents much larger than he was. He just never doubted that he would win. 

If you travel through the world with that kind of confidence, you never have to demonstrate your martial skills. No one wants to mess with someone who is in command of her fear, who pays attention to her surroundings, who moves with assurance. The right kind of training can give you that, no matter where you started.

In answer to Kathy’s question, of course I would answer, yes, I wouldn’t hesitate to fight if necessary. That’s the answer I would hope all my students would give, too. But because we’ve trained and developed a confident attitude, I would also hope we would never have to use what we’ve learned.

As for my fiction, my heroes and heroines are all scrappers, even if they have no formal training. They often face circumstances in which they must defend themselves physically—and they rise to the occasion. I try to make my fight scenes realistic, but they aren’t brutal or sadistic. (After all, you try throwing a few punches and see how long you last. Fifteen-minute fight scenes aren’t real.)  And I don’t go for torture porn, either in my own writing or in my reading or watching preferences.

Anyway, thanks for the inspiration, Kathy!

Cheers, Donna

 

 

Fighting women don't wear high heels

I've been looking through stock photo sites, looking for pictures of a detective type couple. Folks, it is so damned depressing. It seems illustrators and photographers around the world can't get their heads around the fact that it's not a great idea to detect/fight/spy wearing slinky ball gowns and stilettos. Or miniskirts and stilettos. Or a bikini and stilettos. Try doing a search in a stock photo site for 'detective couple' or 'detective with gun'. Almost all the contributors seem to think that the poster of the movie Mr and Mrs Smith is an accurate representation of what such a couple should look like.

Sorry, dudes. No.

Have you guys ever tried running in a pair of high heels? I have. Let me tell you, you end up with sore feet at best, a twisted ankle at worst. And you're not fast. Which is why athletes tend not to wear stilettos on the track. If you think chunky heels with platform soles are more effective – sorry again. In shoes like that you lose any feeling of contact with the ground. Another thing, have you tried, you know, sneaking around in those shoes? You're already on tiptoe. It's hard to get any tippy-toeier. As for climbing up walls and the like – forget it.

I ended up settling for a very good photo of a detective-type couple. But as you can see from the photo, she's wearing a mini skirt. Once again, dudes, have you tried climbing, or running, in a mini skirt? Let's assume you're over the modesty thing, which has you clutching at the hem every few minutes to pull it down. If you really want to run, you'd hoist the thing up around your waist to give your legs room to stride. (assuming you've divested yourself of the high heels). Skirts get in the way when you want to get in a good kick, too.

 

And the long hair? Not good in a fight. Neither are dangly earrings. They can be pulled, and it hurts.

Seriously, designers.

The lady on the right makes my head hurt. Would anyone in their right mind go into a fight dressed like that? What's she trying to do? Seduce the opposition? And what does she do with those two guns when she needs to - you know - pick something up? Or go to the loo?

Dudes (because I suspect it's mainly young men who fantasize over this sort of thing) fighting women don't dress like that. They wear the same gear as men – pants with room to move, no things that flap around. They tie their hair back, or wear it short. They cover their bodies for protection. And please, NO high bloody heels.